Hi Hey Hello (: Ughh, haven't had time to update you for so long. Uni is really busy at the moment. This is probably the main reason for it, I am really sorry, but now, always when it comes to the month december, I have to start doing a lot for school. Exams are exactly after New Year's and I don't nessecarily wanna sit at home and study over vacation.
So, here's a little and let's say a bit personal update of myself:
20/11/2013
I
mean you know. I question a lot. And when I say a lot, I actually mean a ton
and maybe even more. I don’t usually mean it in a negative kind of way because
sometimes you just wonder about something you don’t necessarily have any bad
intentions by. But yes, maybe this time, it’s not quite positive, I have to
admit. Or maybe I just see it that way, it’s all so relative, anyway. So,
tonight is one of those nights that I’m home alone sitting in bed with my hot
water bottle and some tea instead of having to be really busy doing some stuff
for school. It’s ironic, that at times when I actually should be doing some
important work, my mind tends to slip away and just thinks about stuff. Stuff.
Stuff like “what would have felt it like
growing up in another country? Who decides what’s right and what’s wrong?
Or Is there any other more powerful
reference number than time?” Well, today my mind suddenly came across people.
Just people. Those, who are everywhere, who I’m surrounded by at public places
or even sometimes even in privacy. People. Why would I think about people? What
do I exactly mean by “thinking about people”? I mean you know, I never ever
want to say I’m a great person, or that I’m perfect or anything like this. The
thing is, I always try to act fairly, treat people the way I wanted to be
treated in the given circumstances, be honest and say what I feel. I don’t get a
bad conscience, because either I do what I think is right or I don’t do it at
all.
So
here’s what it is, I don’t literally hate people, I just can’t stand their
superficiality, their choosing-words-carelessly-because they-don’t-bother-how-it-can-affect-others-acting.
Why is it, that everyone wants to get treated right and they all want kindness
and they want help and they want this and they want that. But when it comes to treating
other people they think “so what, it’s their problem, not mine; I’m not
obligated to help and this is none of my business […]” Yes, it’s true, it might
not be exactly your business sometimes, but think about if you were in this
situation, wouldn’t it make you happy when someone you don’t even know was
there and helped you? If some stranger just came up to you and helped you
collecting the money that just fell out of your wallet a second ago? It’s only
little things but still, I’m sure you would be thankful! I don’t understand why
everyone is so selfish and careless. It seems like everyone just wants to be
the first, wants to do best, wants to succeed, the consequences for all
participants does just not matter at all. People only decide for their own
interest, this is sad. They can’t even be happy for someone else because of
thinking “Why couldn’t I be that great?; Why couldn’t I achieve that goal; Why
does she look so pretty, why her not me?” I’m just not a jealous person in general,
all the people I love deserve the world and for those people I don’t know, I’m
still happy when they are. Is life really an evil contest? Seriously, why do
people rather want to hear beautiful lies than the ugly truth and what’s the
point in lying anyway? Some people just have various characters in front of
other people and this is not who they really are, but why are they all just
pretending? Having a particular opinion one day and changing it the other
because they realize it’s so much cooler to act like that in front of their oh
so cool friends or whatever. Is it in style to not to be true to yourself? I
really mean that. Being all nice to someone you actually don’t like and talk
shit about when they leave the room, is this how you live values? It’s funny
that people never practice what they preach. But at least they preach, so they
seem to be a good person… but really, they are not. Not at all. Hey, it’s not
about the words you are saying, it’s about acting that way! Ever thought about
this? There are a thousand of different characters in the world and of course
we can’t just be all the same but I think some values like truth and fairness,
everyone will appreciate, everyone. I find it sad that one person pretends to
have various characters because all they really have is no character. You can’t
please everyone, stop that, it’s not possible. No one will judge you for having
different opinions about people, all you gotta do is stay fair and try to be
objective. Just because you don’t agree and have a different opinion about something
doesn’t mean you can’t express yours out loud. What are you scared of? Getting
laughed at? Getting judged? No, they won’t and if they do, they are not worth
your time anyway!!
I still try to believe the good in people and I always
hope that in the very deep down they have good intentions, but unfortunately
sometimes life proved me wrong. And I still wonder why that is. So, if you
caught yourself telling a lie to someone, if you sometimes are jealous about
something or talk shit about people you don’t have any right to, first think
about if you would like to get treated that way! Be the kind of person you want
to meet!
Lots of Love xx
